Gaining a Daughter’s Peace of Mind

Kari’s Story

A Luther Manor Foundation board member recounts her experience caring for her mother, a past resident at Luther Manor, and receiving support when her mom depleted her resources.

Kari and Mom

Kari Gundrum, Luther Manor Foundation board member, understands well the challenges faced by families of aging loved ones. Kari was the sole caregiver for her mom, Joan, for many years. And like many sons and daughters who care for their aging parents, she worried about her mom’s safety while she aged in place. While the decision to move Joan to Luther Manor’s assisted living residence didn’t come easily, Kari called the peace of mind that arrived with it “priceless.”

An Aging Parent’s Increased Needs

It all started around 2012 when Kari recognized that her mom was having difficulty getting around. Her dad had passed away several years earlier, and she was her mom’s only living child. To ensure her safety, Kari insisted that her mom stop driving. She also began grocery shopping, doing the laundry, and cleaning and maintaining Joan’s house.

Kari witnessed a pattern with her mom familiar to many caregivers. Joan would suffer a health setback or a fall, require hospitalization, spend time in rehab, and then return home where she lived by herself. Things would be ok — for a while —- and then the pattern would repeat.

Kari approached the topic of assisted living several times, but her mom resisted the change.

“Nope. I don’t want to give up my house. I’ve been here for 47 years,” she insisted.

Although Kari worked full time, and her husband owned a business and worked part time, they were able to provide caregiving to Joan. Still, Kari remained uneasy about her mom’s living situation.

When Kari noticed that her mom wasn’t eating, her stress grew. She prepared meals that her mom could remove from the freezer and reheat, but Joan didn’t touch them. Subsisting on little more than minimal food and fluids, she at times became dehydrated, leading to confusion. On occasion her mom didn’t pick up the phone when Kari called to check in. Rushing over to her house, Kari often found Joan in her recliner watching TV. However, a few times, Kari actually found her lying on the floor. Disoriented from dehydration, Joan didn’t realize that she had a medical alert around her neck and didn’t press the button.

The Impact on Caregivers

As is true with nearly a quarter of caregivers, the stress impacted Kari’s health. Because of the worrying and juggling of multiple responsibilities, Kari had trouble sleeping.

“My fuse was very short at times in my own life. Sometimes I was just so exhausted from everything going on that I wouldn’t be connecting with friends and family in the way that I should have,” Kari said.

Finally, after her mother had fallen once again, Kari said to her: “If Dad were still here, he would want you to be safe.”

With those words — and the agreement that she would help choose where she would live —- Joan agreed to a change. She moved into The Courtyards at Luther Manor in 2015.

All the time that my mom was at home, my stress level was beyond though-the-roof. I was constantly worried about her. How is she? What is she doing now? Has she fallen? Is she lying on the floor? That was always in the back of my mind. It was constant worry,” Kari said. “And as soon as she went to Luther Manor, all that worry just disappeared. Because I knew that somebody was there. If she needed help, help was there.

During her time at Luther Manor, Joan often told Kari that she felt safe. The move also changed her solitary existence. She enjoyed chit chatting with her neighbors in the halls and at meals.

“The quality of life for my mom improved, and then the quality of life, hence, improved for me,” Kari said.

Luther Manor Foundation: A Safety Net

While finding a community with a continuum of care was a priority for Kari and Joan, how to pay for it was also a concern. They were reassured when learning that Luther Manor has never asked a resident to leave due solely to an inability to pay. With the proceeds from her house’s sale, Joan could afford care for some time. When she could no longer afford private pay, she applied for public assistance but continued living at Luther Manor.

Because of the foundation’s resident support fund, many older adults who have outlived their savings can call Luther Manor home. With the foundation’s funding, Luther Manor bridges the gap between Medicaid’s low reimbursement rate and the actual cost of care.

It’s a wonderful thing what the foundation does for many, many people like my mom. It takes the stress away. You would always hear, ‘My relative got kicked out of a facility because they couldn’t private pay anymore. That doesn’t sit well with me. I know that not everybody has unlimited funds, Kari said.